I Thought I Was Going Blind

Writing

Sitting at my desk in the office yesterday morning, everything was just peachy (or so I thought). Despite my eyelids occasionally closing over due to boredom, for the rare moments I decided to forcefully will them open, I could see as clear as day.

 

But for some reason or other I decided to wink at my morning array of spreadsheets and in doing so came to the stark realisation that my vision in my left eye was completely blurry.

 

 My vision through my right eye only was fine, through both eyes combined  it was fine, yet when solely using my left eye to look at the screen I was met with a blurred mess. It was as if someone had just poked my cornea with a vaseline blobbed finger and then proceeded to hold my head over a spoiled scrabble board. 

 

Feeling like I was about to give the game up on my sight I started panicking. Quietly. With the blurriness becoming progressively stronger I speedily sent my manager an email emphasising that my vision was weakening and that I needed to go to the opticians straight away. So sprinting into the store in an unshakeable panic I begged for an immediate eye test. My fear was less about my actual eye health to be honest and more about the condition of my brain. The earliest eye test to my dismay was to be a one hour wait. 

 

Advised to head to A&E if it got worse, I  instead chose to wait it out. Waiting out the time felt like a lifetime. Back to the opticians an hour later and I’m getting air shot into my eye and asked if I could read outloud a love letter that had been etched onto the back of a postage stamp. 

 

What were the results? 

 

Following an array of tests, I was put out of my misery as the optometrist declared that my eyes and corresponding vessels were all healthy. 

 

So what was causing the blurriness? And why was it only in one eye? 

 

The glasses. 😦

 

The bloody things which were meant to better my eyesight ironically played a crucial part in its deterioration. 

 

It’s because of the following explanation that I urge you to ensure that you get your eyes tested frequently and make sure your prescription is the most accurate  and updated one tailored for your sight. 

 

It starts with the fact that no two eyes are ever going to be the same strength, and for me my right eye is stronger than my left. So in theory I would need different lens strengths in my glasses, with each lens being specifically made for each eye. What happened in this situation was that this was not the case. Instead, the lens magnification which best suited my stronger right eye was placed into both the left and right eye section of the glasses. As a result my left eye was being put under constant strain every time I wore my glasses, to the point where the muscles were overworking so much it resulted in what felt like a remaining partial blindness in the left eye. 

 

Examples to describe giving the wrong glasses may be along the lines of:

 

-Giving chocolate to a dog. It poisons them. 

-Pouring salt on a slug. It does them no favours

-Giving someone a chocolate teapot. It’s useless. 

 

The bottom line is the glasses were not helping my eyes, they were hindering them, hence not fulfilling their purpose!

 

So Now I’m met with the choice of either not wearing glasses at all while I’m doing computer work or paying between £39 – £69 per pair (I have two pairs with these incorrectly fitted lenses). Do you think they should pay for the lens change? Or should I?

 

**This frightful momentary state of panic made me appreciate how complex we are as humans. It made me realise how important it is to look after yourself. We are human beings, made up of such complex biology. It’s astonishing how every cell in our bodies serves a purpose. And how easy it is for part of this harmony to be abruptly thrown out of sync.

 

Take care of yourself!

Summer Fashion

fashion, Writing

I’m not sure if you’d agree but it seems that we all dress better when the sun is out. Be it through using pops of colour to more extravagant patterns, in my view the sun does more than simply brighten up mood, it brightens up our wardrobes.

Below are some looks I resort to in Summer, items are from:

 

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Isle of Wight Festival – The Journey

Writing

Getting up at 6 am may be easy for some, but for us mere mortals it’s somewhat of a challenge. Either way, I had to drag myself onto the train to meet my old university mates who were also making the jaunt to the island.

 

Fast forward, skipping a rather boring car journey (of the motorway ofcourse, not the people hehe), and I’m standing on the deck of a modest sized ferry on the brink of contracting a serious bout of pneumonia. For what felt like gail force winds pierced into the very marrow of my bones like tribal spears. Perhaps wearing a jacket would’ve prevented this, but it’s June so even if it’s not warm, I’m still pretending like it is. I refused to go inside the ferry, who wants to watch geriatrics play dominoes to pass the time? Anyhow, after an hour of beautiful coastal views in tornado like conditions we docked the Isle of Wight.

 

I was foolishly expecting to hear the deafening sounds of electric guitars and lung collapsing vibrations of the heaviest of bass beats as my toes touched the terrain, yet instead I was met with the sounds of peace and tranquility which in other means…..not very much. Accompanying this was the blurted out fact that the island despite its tiny population has 3 prisons on it’s land. Getting off to a good start I sarcastically thought to myself. As future me wishes past me knew – the real  fun that was soon to come……..
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I’m Making A Radio Show

Writing

If ever there was a time I was more nervous, it would have to have been the day I mixed colours with whites while doing the clothes washing. But only once, and only then! *Mum forgive me!

But why am I so nervous about making a radio show? And more importantly, why exactly am I making one in the first place?

I guess answering the first one, it’s because I’ve never made one before, and with inexperience comes apprehension. Compounding this, it’s because I care. I care about the meaning behind the content I am creating, I care about doing a good job of it.

I’m making a radio show because in the last half a year I’ve been bitten by the radio bug through listening to select radio shows and doing a bit of work experience at local stations. Radio for me, sits in the crosshairs of two interests of mine: music & bullsh*tting conversation. So with all of these ingredients combined I might as well give it a go! What’s the worst that could happen? I’m too robotic, there’s too many awkward silences, my music choices suck!!!!! Well, even so atleast I can say I gave it a go!

So what will my radio show actually be about?

Watch this space! :p

**Release date: 1st April 2019

*Surely there’s something you’ve wanted to give a go but haven’t yet? Take the leap of faith just like me and we can both cry about it after haha.

Why You & I Both Hate Shopping

Writing

Nothing sinks my heart further into the pit of my stomach than the sight of two mums fighting over the same cable-knit jumper in the ‘Winter’ aisle, or better yet, one of them fighting with yours truly. Not that I would ever buy a cable-knit jumper or anything remotely resembling it but the point still holds, going clothes shopping is like going off to war. Left, right and centre you have the fear of God struck into you by the bullish and brutish ways of the everyday shopper.

I’m not saying every passerby has their heart set on making my shopping experience a living misery, but I am saying that there are a modest few that do, and don’t they do their damndest! Here are 5 of my favourite worse case scenarios when it comes to getting the groceries in:

  1. The Fitting Rooms

You think trying on clothes in a fitting room would be a very ‘individual’ sport (unless ofcourse  you’re one of these people who takes baths with their dogs and showers with their neighbours). Atleast it’s meant to be a solo activity until you are at your most vulnerable, as naked as the day you were born and the changing room curtain suddenly wafts open thanks to the ever-so-speedy shop assistant who keeps racing up and down the changing room corridors collecting coat hangers. The curtains billow as if a tornado has just graced us with its presence all in while your modesty as a result goes out the window. Cheers coat hanger girl, your wind gush running really made my day!

  1. Have A Good Look

Picture reading the tiniest of fonts on a label the size of a postage stamp, you focus with great intent, eyes squinting, beads of sweat drip from your forehead. You need these details! Success! You’ve read that the item isn’t machine washable so you turn to head away from the product only you find yourself cornered from all sides by blank, expressionless, unfamiliar faces. That’s right just as you decided to read the label so too did 5 other people who had nothing better to do with their lives in that moment than to make you feel small and trapped in your little local mall.

  1. The Awkward Shuffle

Shopping aisles are no place for claustrophobe’s or anyone who isn’t the width of a shoestring by all accounts. We’ve all been there, heading down the aisle, opposite traffic is on the move towards us fast and steady, we panic, which side to choose? Too late, you and the geriatric have both went left when you quite clearly should’ve went right. You almost clash heads, it could’ve been worse, it could’ve been the lips. This happens to me all the time, I always awkwardly do the same shaky shuffle as I desperately try and dodge another body only to find myself grazing mine against theirs in the most inconvenient of manners. I’m sure you can share this embarrassment atleast once in your life, that is ofcourse if you dare to venture beyond your welcome doormat once in a blue moon. 

  1. Walk The Line

I know that good things come to those who wait but when you’re waiting in line and have an unruly kid upfront and 2 gossiping grannies behind you really do have to weigh up the need to even buy food or clothing at all sometimes. It’s times like this I wish I could just abort the mission of trying to live in a civilised society and run off to the Amazon.

  1. The Cashier

I don’t care if I’m the 250th person you’ve asked ‘would you like a bag?’ to, is it too much to ask that you don’t look like you’ve sucked all the lemons down the fruit and veg aisle? What is with some people that they can’t just fake a smile once in a while even if they’re dying inside? Why does the curse of lethargy and snark strike just as I step up to pay for my camel toe inducing leggings and bottle green V-neck? Check yourself out check out girl! Or I wanna see your damn manager!

 

So tell me, am I being overdramatic or does shopping turn out to be full scale warfare in your eyes also? Let’s just say, I totally get why Amazon has become a multi-billion dollar company.

 

 

person holding blue clip board whats in a tattoo podcast poem

Poem – What’s In A Tattoo?

Writing

The needle pierces my body,

But I feel no pain.

 

Black Ink drowns my pores,

Euphoria begins.

 

I am in paradise,

I am transformed.

 

My skin marked before my eyes,

An external expression of an inner form.

 

This is the poem I wrote for my first ever podcast published on my blog! I wanted to juxtapose the sensation of pain from a tattoo gun with the pleasure that the individual is feeling by marking their skin in this way. And then finishing the poem with the thought I have on all tattoos – they come from a place of inner emotion.

beautiful beauty blond blur winter blues

Why The Winter Blues?

Writing

With the sun getting lazier and lazier these November nights, returning to its slumbers faster than I’m sure the majority if us would like, as a result, I hear the miserable moans and groans of grief-stricken commuters. The winter blues have well and truly set in for some and it’s still only autumn! They have alot more groaning to do in that case!

In all fairness I can see why the dark nights and grey days aren’t getting people cartwheeling down the streets but at the same time, with the dark nights come the cosy evenings. The hot meals, the trashy TV and fluffy socks. The colder weather brings out the more comfortable gear, cable-knit jumpers and long Johns are all of our secret wardrobe faves let’s be honest!

With so many things to get down about as the daylight hours decline, let me point out 5 good things to look forward to in these chillier months ahead:

1) Bubble Baths And Steaming Hot Showers. Nothing says I love winter more than ‘so hot it will skin you alive’ showers and ‘prune inducing’ bathtime.

2) Hair To Stay! Yes, long-sleeves, trousers and tights have never been more welcomed on the bodies of those still recovering from  the stubble trauma of summer’s shaving, plucking and waxing shenanigans.

3) Gout –  Just In Time For Christmas. There’s no better excuse to pile on the carbs than in the dark days of November. Take it as a ‘end of year preparation’ for the real feasting to take place at Christmas. Why have pasta and not garlic bread, or a burger without the bun when you could instead have both, at the same time?! The more calorific the meal, the more terrific the meal you’re mantra should be. Cold months call for extra insulation so happy eating!

4) Binge Binge Binge TV. OK, well, most of us make this an all year event but personally, I like to use the more dismal months as an excuse for watching endless hours of Dr. Phil and Munchies.

5) You Look Frumpy And Baggy And Noone Cares. Yes, snugly clothing makes a much yearned for comeback. No one cares if I wear my pyjamas under my puffer coat, they’re probably doing the same. Skin-tight clothing can be for Summer, it’s time to relax and be comfortable in your own skin for atleast  a couple months, right?!

So are Winter blues still a thing for you?

The Best Worst Halloween Costumes

Writing

Halloween is arguably one of the more ‘fun’ holidays of the year, when else do you have an excuse to dress up as giant genitalia or………

A Venus Fly Trap

Venus Fly Trap Costume - best worst Halloween costumes

Escapade certainly haven’t left any out any costume of the imagination as it proudly displays the purchasable plant + pot duo online. (Image courtesy of Escapade)

Roadkill

Roadkill fancy dress costume sold by Rasta Imposta. Best worst Halloween costumes 2018

Going to the complete other end of the spectrum now for all you animal lovers out there. Yes, ‘roadkill’ can be sported by those bordering on insanity this Halloween courtesy of Rasta Imposta The fact that there’s a kid in there makes it all the more disturbing! Don’t you think? (Image courtesy of Amazon).

The Addicts Combo

Worst Halloween Costumes 2018

So wrong but so right at the same time, I don’t know who owns this picture but I want to thank you and shake my head in shame at the same time for releasing this to the world.

Baby Pot Leaf

baby pot leaf worst halloween costumes 2018

There’s a bit of a foliage trend going on here, first the fly trap now this, thank you for this cute yet disturbing image Daily Beast.

I Can’t

Worst Halloween Costumes 2018

Ebay why! 😦 I had to keep the best, I mean worst till last, right?!

 

Alternative London #1

Writing

Leake Street, Waterloo/ Lambeth

This quirky creepy tunnel encloses all kinds of goodies under it’s archways. From the hard to miss graffiti to the more tucked away eateries offering all kind of delicacies. Such as Banh Bao Brothers , Rat Bar and Draughts.

And let’s not forget to mention The Vaults! If you don’t know of it, your life has been boring af! Bit harsh, if you haven’t heard of it, definitely check them out if you’re into interactive theatre and altogether electric eccentricity.

The Vaults at Leake Street Arches, Waterloo, London.. Graffiti on the exterior, interactive theatre experience inside.

And now, onto the graffiti!

Here are some of my favourite pieces within the 300 metre long tunnel, I think art constantly gets replaced with new art so I think it;s good to get a snapshot of time of the art of the moment:

Graffiti, street art, London, Banksy, Waterloo, Lambeth, tunnel , City

Wide shot of the tunnel, sorry for the car!

Celebrity spotting! Anthony Hopkins and Tilda Swinton.

Mind blowing artwork exhibited within the archways at The Rat Bar.

A rodent twist on the masterpiece - The Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci at The Rat Bar, London.

A rodent twist on the masterpiece – The Mona Lisa by Leonardi Da Vinci at Rat Bar, London.

Model, Posing on the stairwell of an exit/entrance to Leake St, Waterloo, London. City Street Art UK

You Know I had to do it, Nike call me!

Word 'Boyish' and alien image visible. Boyish Graffiti in Leake St, London. City street art.

Disturbingly Beautiful.

Graffiti of Pac-Man, Leake St, Waterloo, London

“Computer games don’t affect kids. If Pac-Man affected us as kids we would all be messing about in darkened places munching………”

We Are All Mad / Follow Your Heart

The wonderful pieces above  are just the tip of the iceberg, I’d highly recommend paying the archways a visit if you come to London. It really is a feast for the eyes.

Photographs taken by @claudiarosemoore

Why Being An Adult Isn’t Fun

Writing

Gone are the days when finger painting and daytime naps were as common as the cold. Instead , replaced by finger tapping and continuous bouts of the common cold! If only we knew as tiny humans, the pure agony that lay before us in the adult world. Let me list just a few for you:

  1. Bills Bills Bills

Anyone who gets giddy at the sight of a £10 decrease in their electricity bill because they forced themselves to have ‘luke warm’  instead ‘hot’ showers all Summer knows full well that they have reached adulthood.  Having to pay your rent, water, electricity, mobile and Wi-Fi bills every month means giving up a tiny piece of your soul with every transaction. A tough trade off but then again who really can live without Wi-Fi?

  1. The Rat Race

Remember at school when you felt a long day was waking up at 10am and finishing at lunchtime? Didn’t your heart just sink to your stomach the first time you experienced the dreaded moonbeam illuminating your face through the office window? Yes, that’s right ‘the dayjob is just so I can get enough money to really enjoy myself with the little time I have to myself’. Just keep telling yourself this.

  1. The Cardigan

You were going so well up to this point. You kept on top of the latest fashion trends, you even set a few of your own but then the adult moment hit you like a lightning bolt and since then you’ve resorted to the tatty woolly throw over which would pass as your dead grandmother’s favourite shawl if worn in just the right light. The point being you now dress like an old crow since the first sign of crow’s feet set in. Word of advice, if you want to stay fashionable then get some damn wrinkle cream because heaven forbid the granny cable knit cardigan moment strikes you when you’re vulnerable!

  1. Topics Of Conversation

You now find yourself conversing on why you prefer courgette over mushroom in your spaghetti Bolognese, where instead in the midst of your youth, you’d be out getting laid. It also now feels weird to use or hear other ‘adults’ use slang words such as  ‘dope’ and ‘amazeballs’ (who uses this last one anyway?).

 

I guess there is one thing to look forward to when you reach adulthood. Retirement.

Eye

Writing

I haven’t worn glasses since the age of 10 and you can tell, my eye’s lazier than the cleaners who play candy crush in the cubicles at work. I had to wear an eye patch till the age of 8, and once they told me I couldn’t be saved, I chucked the glasses and with that came the awkward family photos. There you’d have my two normal siblings and me, the spawn of Satan on the end with the turned in eye. But it wasn’t always doom and gloom, I wasn’t always told ‘could you look at the camera please’ as I squinted as hard as I could begging my left eye to stay straight! Only to find my efforts were in vain as my right would surely play copy cat to its feeble counterpart. Sometimes it was fun making others laugh at my deep deep insecurities.

Anyway to cut a long story short, my quick ditching of thine spectacles many moons ago has resulted in a quick case of panic as I find myself having blurry moments while staring at the screen in work. And it’s not just because I don’t have the foggiest about what I’m doing, I really do take moments of blindness. Sh*t. Also if you’ve heard of floaters (not that kind) then I feel for you, I had the shock of a lifetime when I reached out to grab a spider web only to come to the stark realisation that it was infact in my eyeball (Google it).

With enough of these harsh realities  ( in addition to my whole eye infection malarkey) I figured I’d get myself down to the local optician before they diagnose me with a cataract aged 23 and 3/4.

So off I go, print off the voucher from work to get a free pair (key word free) afterall it is work that’s caused this mess (not my meaningless efforts to look cool without glasses during my teenage years). Their harsh if not illegible ‘vdu’ (visual display units) mean I’ll never see a bee again or be able to  read the small print of my life insurance policy without depending on a monocle or as its getting, a telescope. Yes, office life I do indeed BLAME YOU!!!

So there I am in the opticians, chin on a pedestal, forehead in a vice, eye getting a pelting with the conditions not uncanny to that of the northern hemispheric jet stream. Why was air being projected into my willingly open eyeball? To test the pressure. Next! The actual eye test…….

After being asked every question under the sun apart from what my favourite colour was, the optometrist proceeded to try his hardest to permanently blind me with his torchlight in the hope that I’d not leave the shop without the non-discounted Gucci frames. But oh no! I was undeterred by his tiny light saber. Next came reading the writing off of the back of a postage stamp before rolling my eyeballs back and singing kum ba yah. Kidding! The eye test was normal, he said I had 20/20 vision. Comedian much?

Anyway, with the test (torture) over, I picked out a pair of the finest (free) spectacles. Elton John eat your heart out! They really are a cross between hipster and geriatric and I f*cking love em’ Anyone who knocks glasses are probably the same people who are rushed off to A+E every 6-months for their ‘contact lense in the back of the eye’ stunt again. So P*sssssss offffff! Spectacles are officially cool again!

Places In London To Chat To Other Creatives.

Writing

Such a big city with big opportunities to get creative. So what places do I know of which offer just this:

1) The Southbank Centre – home to festivals, dance, comedy shows and exhibitions. You’re guaranteed to get those creative juices flowing at the centre. With wide open spaces you can meet with others for a coffee or even a rehearsal of your next show.  From panel shows on how to get a literary agent to workshops on how to play Gamelan instruments, you’re spoilt for choice!

  1. Go Think Big – I should really pitch up tent outside their offices, for I never seem to be out of them. They offer a real smorgasbord of events, activities and workshops for creative young people. Not so long ago they had a workshop on how to handle stress and an upcoming one is based on vlogging as two examples. The breadth they cover really does mean whatever creative flair you have will be encouraged to grow. Infact they even have what looks like a really good networking event coming up very soon here. Give it a go!
  2. MeetUp – so not conventionally a go to ‘place’ to meet other creatives but this site aims to get people together to create based on a similarity in hobbies and so focus groups are created which host events all over the city. From graffiti art walking tours to special effects makeup for horror films, the site has an abundance of groups to join and get creative.
  3. ERIC Festival – last but certainly not least, our very own ERIC! Having attended several of their festivals hosted at the Hospital club from music to musical theatre, I’d definitely recommended anyone who has a creative bone in their body to shimmy on down to their next event. You might even get a job out of it, that’s what happened to me! You meet a contact who could eventually become a colleague, you just never know!

 

I hope the above help you mingle till your heart’s content. In addition to these, London offers a real range of hidden gems also, perhaps venturing off the road most trekked on once in a while will lead you to a creative revelation. If not, just go back to bed. Kidding!

**Please note this article is intended solely for ERIC Mag, and I will link to the article on their site if/when it becomes live.

A Second Chance To Make A First Impression

Writing

My second time uploading this because no one seems to like an introduction! (*Cue introductory moody af facial expression ) I know breaking the ice is awkward but let’s just make a start on finding the chisel, eh?

What’s the blog about?:

A lifestyle blog intertwined with a few off topic rants and the occasional poem or two.

Hot Topics:

  • Daily Observations
  • Location Reviews
  • Fashion (eventually, I’m currently p*ss poor so can’t buy any new gear, pray I make a hasty recovery back to the world of financial stability please).

I enjoy writing more than I enjoy reading, so I hope you enjoy reading what I write! If not (cries myself to sleep)…….c’est la vie!!.

Oh look, here’s me below again, yes I am a real person and not a robot looking to steal your pin number. Now smiling because you took the time to read my intro!