When Will The Summer Arrive?! :(

Writing

If you find yourself clutching onto a hot water bottle as if it were a life-saving hand at the top of a cliff which had your death sealed on it. Then you must only be in Northern Ireland in the height of its scorching summer at 14 degrees Celsius (on a good day).

 

Yes today is the day of the whinge, I haven’t seen the sun in 6 weeks, and I’m starting to have major withdrawal symptoms. So desperate am I to feel its rays caress my casper-like skin that I’ve started layering on the factor 50+ at midnight and adorning the sunglasses while peering at the moon from my french-bay windows begging it to metamorphose into its much hotter cousin. 

 

Where art thou sunlight? Summer in this country occurs for one day, and one day only. Normally in May, whilst you’re waiting in the healthcentre for them to check if the bed sores you are developing are caused  by a serious medical condition or just because you’re too lazy to walk your mutt in the piss-pouring rain.

 

 As you uncomfortably sweat from every orifice in your being as the sun plays peek-a-boo behind the cumulonimbus for all of about 4 seconds, you second-guess whether you should get the shorts on and the BBQ lit when you leave the cesspit of infestation a.k.a. the local healthcentre we all love to hate. 

 

The ‘Great British’ weather really isn’t all that great. It’s always essential to dress for all 4 seasons in the one day. So that means a crop top, flip-flops combo, coupled with a raincoat and set of hat, scarf and gloves all being sported before you’ve had your morning cereal. 

 

And with this, it’s time to throw on the Ski-jacket and cycle shorts for a trip to the soggy beach!

Poem – ‘A’ Is For Attraction

Writing

Enveloped in an aura of eternal amor.

Any armour I adorned,

Has been undone, it has been torn. 

 

Most magnetic is the mystery.

My mind is mute from misery,

As my heart mends from the lover before.

 

‘A’ is for attraction,

The feeling of acceptance,

Of an emotion more alien and more raw.

 

The feeling I have for you,

With the most painful kind of hope,

That you had it for me too, and not her.

Poem: Timeless Beauty

Writing

Timeless beauty.

What a contradiction.

Will you still love me,

When my hair loses thickness?

When my skin starts to wrinkle?

When my youth is but memory in the distance?

 

Time.

It’s bittersweet.

Cruel to the appearance.

Yet kind to the mind.

Stripping away my pride in my looks,

To expose an endearment for the memories I share with you. 

 

Love is not lust.

And lust is not love.

So do you choose a beautiful person,

Or someone blessed solely with looks from above?

 

Is Talent Subpar To Appearance?

Writing

“As a woman you are constantly fighting against only being valued for your looks, because it becomes a very tenuous thing, to be defined by the gaze of others. And beauty is, by definition, ephemeral: it’s a thing you can’t trap in time. It’s a butterfly: it lives for a second. So to make a lifetime worthwhile and have meaning cannot rest on beauty.” Natalie Portman – Metro Newspaper. 

When I read the Hollywood starlets excerpt in the Metro newspaper several weeks ago on my way home from work, her words resonated with me, not solely for their poetic eloquence but for the more saddening and poignant message they behold. 

In more recent times I have found myself picking up on references regarding appearances, especially those of women. We only have to review the last couple of days with the release of the deeply emotionally charged documentary of Little Mix’s Jesy Nelson to gain but a glimpse into the toxic world of ‘beauty’ in the entertainment industry, or be it, in the world itself. 

Who do we blame? Society or our very own biological clock? Men can spread their seeds long after they receive their pensions, but for women, our reproductive window is much more narrow. Is this therefore reflected in our behaviour towards the upkeep of our appearances? 

Is it society’s fault that on the whole, men are allowed to age gracefully yet women have to perform some sort of witchcraft to try and reverse the hands of time as best they can? Or must Mother Nature hold her hands up?

Whether subconsciously biological or not, how can you justify telling a woman in a girl group to ‘go kill yourself, how can sugar babying be seen as ‘OK’, how can people dying in the living rooms of the homes of their ‘beauticians’ from silicone injections be donned the norm?

Social media has to take some level of responsibility for greenlighting a breeding ground of mental illnesses. These firms are failing us, especially young people. With almost half experiencing cyberbullying on social media, three quarters of which are female. 

Ofcourse social media has its positives but if we stop and think about Instagram in particular for a second, a platform to, predominantly,  share images. As I scroll I’m bombarded by a crusade of images of which are borderline pornographic. Now, I’m not some nun who feels that this kind of content shouldn’t be allowed,  I think embracing your seductive side is absolutely fine but the more I scroll the less diversion I see from this. In other words, the platform seems to be stressing appearance and a certain type of appearance at that. 

In addition to over-sexualised images from individuals who are teens in alot of cases to ‘the face’ of beauty. By this I mean the pouty, overtly contoured bratz doll-esque look which seems to have become the archetypal example of what it means to be ‘beautiful’.

 And to this I say – what happened to originality? Beauty is not one form. Nature makes variation purposefully, to support biological evolution of a species, by creating greater variance, diseases are less likely to wipe out whole populations. So why is our brains now wanting us all to look the same? 

The look which alot of people are going for is borderline disturbing. It’s waxy, too polished and too forced. Haven’t these cookie cut moulds ever heard of a concept called ‘effortless beauty’?

Not to be misconstrued, I love a glam look but when glam becomes the norm what does this say about society’s standards of what beauty really is? 

I don’t have an issue with people wanting to look good, I have an issue of what we are made to think ‘good looking’ really is? 10 minutes on instagram and it can leave you seething with anger as you scan the scenes of scantily cladded blow up dolls sprawled across their newly polished bentleys. Instagram is an arena for falsehood flashy lifestyles, which if you fall down the wrong rabbithole, grows nothing but contempt and concern amongst the lives of normal people, especially young people who are at an age where they can be deemed to be highly influenced by what they see around them. 

No, social media platforms don’t choose what people post, but they can choose to remove what people post. The behemoth Instagram seems to be attempting to begin to put a plan of action in place to tackle the mental health illnesses it has in partial a liability of contributing to through the means of trialing the removal of likes  visible on a post. Let’s hope this paves the path for other social media platforms to follow suit.

It seems like the world has fallen in love with social media, and there’s no way out of it, is there?

Summer Fashion

fashion, Writing

I’m not sure if you’d agree but it seems that we all dress better when the sun is out. Be it through using pops of colour to more extravagant patterns, in my view the sun does more than simply brighten up mood, it brightens up our wardrobes.

Below are some looks I resort to in Summer, items are from:

 

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Poem: Time

Writing

 

Time.

Moving passed like 

Dew dripping from the leaves of

The waxiest cuticles.

My hands,

Gnarled, close tight,

Around the memories,

Uprooted by those of time.

 

Time,

A spectre of the night,

Time, invisible to the eye

Of even the most profound inspectors. 

I suspect.

Expecting time to wait for,

Any man.

Is like expecting a hug on

No man’s land.

 

Time,

And time again we

Try to cheat it’s nimble ways.

Like sacrificial lambs to the slaughter we,

Try to resort to cosmetics to

Bathe in youth’s fountain forever

 

My Face

Writing

I feel like today is one of those days were my face refuses to show any sort of expression, similar to what I can only assume the lovechild of an over-botoxed barbie and a saddened clown would sport had they just been given the news that their goldfish bubbles just died.

 

Yes, my face is frozen and I just can’t seem to thaw it out today. Do you ever have those sudden waves of melancholy, moments of introspection, of silence? It’s as if they’re somewhat uncontrollable, like, I don’t willingly choose to suddenly wake up and find it difficult to get out of bed somedays or struggle to strike up a conversation with people. For some reason, it just…..happens. Please tell me I’m not the only one this happens to?

 

Is it stemming from a subconscious place of unrest? Is there something in our lives we haven’t addressed which as a result manifests itself in our mood swings we exhibit on friends, in our  periods of worry and stress we bring out on ourselves?

 

As humans we are such complex creatures, why couldn’t life be more simple, I ask? Or is the truth of the matter actually that life is infact quite simple – and it is us humans who overcomplicate it?

 

In my opinion, probably the latter of the two, for you don’t see pandas suddenly having  mental breakdowns at the thought of wearing ‘those shoes with that shirt’, or any other animals for that fact! It’s just us humans who worry about the petty things and perhaps that’s why I’m sitting here with a face that makes a plank of wood look overenthusiastic.

 

Don’t be like me, please.

The Most Bizarre Home Remedies

Writing

Currently I have this massive blind pimple on my forehead that could rival any set of antlers on a prime young stag. Ofcourse this is the week I have work experience with a nice little editorial name and an interview gig at the weekend. So no better time for acne to make an unwanted appearance I guess!

With that being said I typed so fast into Google search ‘home remedies for hideous ugliness’ and here’s the 2 treatments that came up:

1) A poultice – you don’t know what that is? Don’t worry, I didn’t either. It’s basically bread mixed with some milk or hot water then slapped on your boil, ulcer or in my case the cruellest of them all – SPOT! The aim of the game is that the mixture draws out the impurities from the skin, the hot compression will work to improve bloodflow circulation to the area being treated additionally adding to the process of drawing up the impurities. This will eventually lead to a white top on the spot which you can then squeeeeeeze the sh*t out of. Just kidding, leave it alone or you could cause scarring.

Since this morning I’ve placed the equivalent of two loaves of bread on my face already. For this reason I’m now swapping over to the trusty green tea bag. Supposedly with similar benefits as the bread poultice? Let’s find out!

 

 

As I Googled these home remedies it got me thinking, what are the most obscure old wives tales out there? And which of them actually work? Let the researching begin……….

 

 

 

Poem: A December Day

Writing

A December Day

The air is crisp, cold and clean.

My breath sparkles in its grasp like fairydust.

I feel like a fairytale’s dragon.

 

The darkness cloaks the clouds,

Choking out any lasting glimmers of light,

As the sun sets low in the Winter sky.

 

The trees look fragile.

Their vulnerability exposed,

By the nakedness of their form.

 

Time slows.

Patience is a virtue,

As you wait for the freeze to thaw.

 

Spring is almost upon us,

Fingers crossed,

The wait won’t be too long. .

 

 

 

The Worst Christmas Gifts You Could Ever Receive

Writing

Whoever said it’s the thought that counts and not the gift has obviously never received a multipack of wet wipes or a tin opener on Christmas morning. Get your head out the clouds sunshine and understand the hard cold facts that there are hard cold individuals out there who think that the below could actually be appreciated by the receiver:

 

  1. The ‘Set’

Hasn’t anyone heard the term ‘quality over quantity’? If I asked for a bottle of quality  perfume then why the hell would I want a Dove multipack of soaps, conditioners and body butters which are gonna leave me with rashes in all the wrong places if you get my drift.

  1. The Free Trial

Photoshop ain’t cheap but it seems some friends and family members amongst us are. A trial that runs for one month only is the equivalent to the longevity of my love and respect for them once they drop this disrespecting package of false hopes and dreams on me! Just as you put the finishing turquoise touches to your beach scenes in the Bahamas Adobe will certainly let you know – your time is up! Merry Christmas!

  1. Pregnancy

Yes, the gift of a child should never be unwelcomed but if mummy-to-be hadn’t planned it then , well, yes it may just be an ‘inconvenience’ as family members ask why you’re looking as stuffed as the turkey before Christmas dinner has even started.

  1. The WRONG Colour

Perhaps sounding like a spoilt brat here but let’s face it when you asked for mauve and got magnolia instead you’re going to lose your absolute sh*t too. Do you know how difficult it is to match magnolia crocs to anything?!!!!

  1. The Bargain Piece

I know my mum and dad aren’t self-made millionaires but would reaching that little bit deeper into their pockets for me once a year really make them bankrupt?! I sometimes get flashbacks to the traumatic time I asked for an ipod and basically got the equivalent of a cassette player. WTF! Not only was it a fraction of the price it only played tapes! Completely defeating the point of the ipod hahahaha I still love you ‘rents!

What’s the worst Christmas present you’ve ever received?

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Can you really judge a book by its cover?

Writing

When your mother use to tell you to put on your ‘Sunday best’, was that really for God or for the fellow church dwellers?

Time and time again I have been proven wrong, I look at someone thinking ‘oh they’ll be friendly’ and instead I’m met with a look as if they’ve been sucking lemons all morning. Whereas you run a mile from the local hooligan and perhaps they may be the ones to call an ambulance as you trip over the pavement on your escape from them. My point being, whether we like it or not we all judge a book by its cover. Biology has meant we don’t read between the lines, atleast not initially, and here’s why:

Biology study

Blame our ancestors for all the sudden judgment and stereotyping. Putting it this way – with neurons devoted to visual processing taking up 30% of the cortex as oppose to 3% for hearing and 8% for touch. We really get a ‘feel’ for someone through our ‘eyes’.

But maybe don’t blame your judgmental self too quickly, for as ‘bad’ as it is to stereotype, it actually is a ‘good’ thing. Humans have to be quick in sussing out other humans out with immediacy – are they a threat or non-threat?

Some pre-conceived judgments we make

  • A trustworthy face – Studies have shown that humans make a judgement on the level of trust they would have in another person just based on their face alone.

 

  • The halo effect – We view ‘more physically attractive’ people as being ‘higher achievers’ across the board than people deemed ‘less physically attractive’. So if you’re hot then the world pretty much thinks you’re the next Einstein.

 

  • The voice effect on leadership – higher pitched, slower speaking voices deemed to lack leadership qualities that a person of a lower-pitched and faster pace of speech would have. (When voices were the only thing to base judgement off of.)

 

  •  The uglier the criminal the harsher the prison sentence – the judgment bias on attractiveness when sentencing.

 

I love posts which make me feel all self-conscious about myself. I guess the moral of the story is blame science for our judgmental stereotyping selves! And know that beauty and ability are really internal qualities of ourselves.

Poem: A Day As Grey As Today

Writing

Have you ever experienced a day,

As grey as the grey day today?

You know the kind,

That makes you less kind.

The kind you wished would just go away?

 

I’ve certainly experienced a day,

As grey as the grey day today

It made me feel kind,

To the man who reminded,

Me to enjoy every day.

Eye

Writing

I haven’t worn glasses since the age of 10 and you can tell, my eye’s lazier than the cleaners who play candy crush in the cubicles at work. I had to wear an eye patch till the age of 8, and once they told me I couldn’t be saved, I chucked the glasses and with that came the awkward family photos. There you’d have my two normal siblings and me, the spawn of Satan on the end with the turned in eye. But it wasn’t always doom and gloom, I wasn’t always told ‘could you look at the camera please’ as I squinted as hard as I could begging my left eye to stay straight! Only to find my efforts were in vain as my right would surely play copy cat to its feeble counterpart. Sometimes it was fun making others laugh at my deep deep insecurities.

Anyway to cut a long story short, my quick ditching of thine spectacles many moons ago has resulted in a quick case of panic as I find myself having blurry moments while staring at the screen in work. And it’s not just because I don’t have the foggiest about what I’m doing, I really do take moments of blindness. Sh*t. Also if you’ve heard of floaters (not that kind) then I feel for you, I had the shock of a lifetime when I reached out to grab a spider web only to come to the stark realisation that it was infact in my eyeball (Google it).

With enough of these harsh realities  ( in addition to my whole eye infection malarkey) I figured I’d get myself down to the local optician before they diagnose me with a cataract aged 23 and 3/4.

So off I go, print off the voucher from work to get a free pair (key word free) afterall it is work that’s caused this mess (not my meaningless efforts to look cool without glasses during my teenage years). Their harsh if not illegible ‘vdu’ (visual display units) mean I’ll never see a bee again or be able to  read the small print of my life insurance policy without depending on a monocle or as its getting, a telescope. Yes, office life I do indeed BLAME YOU!!!

So there I am in the opticians, chin on a pedestal, forehead in a vice, eye getting a pelting with the conditions not uncanny to that of the northern hemispheric jet stream. Why was air being projected into my willingly open eyeball? To test the pressure. Next! The actual eye test…….

After being asked every question under the sun apart from what my favourite colour was, the optometrist proceeded to try his hardest to permanently blind me with his torchlight in the hope that I’d not leave the shop without the non-discounted Gucci frames. But oh no! I was undeterred by his tiny light saber. Next came reading the writing off of the back of a postage stamp before rolling my eyeballs back and singing kum ba yah. Kidding! The eye test was normal, he said I had 20/20 vision. Comedian much?

Anyway, with the test (torture) over, I picked out a pair of the finest (free) spectacles. Elton John eat your heart out! They really are a cross between hipster and geriatric and I f*cking love em’ Anyone who knocks glasses are probably the same people who are rushed off to A+E every 6-months for their ‘contact lense in the back of the eye’ stunt again. So P*sssssss offffff! Spectacles are officially cool again!

My 5 Top YouTube Channels Currently

Writing

YouTube is a beacon of knowledge, a fountain of entertainment, a hub for all things random and most of all my favourite bookmark on Google, right next to ‘how to convince your parents to get a dog’ and ‘ how to unplug a hairy drain shower’. So why is it that YouTube gets such pride of place on my browser homepage? Well, perhaps it’s got something to do with these 5 channels below:

  1. James Charles – Welcome Sisters! Gosh, I wish we were siblings for he is so entertaining and talented. I love how well he mixes his sense of humour in his witty comeback to trolls in this video. But I think even beyond the entertainment, James is a pioneer in not only the beauty industry but in society culture. Unashamed to be exactly who he is, finding his own lane and having fun while doing it makes him an inspirational to us all to be ourselves.
  2. Jack Francis – His wicked sense of humour and general confident persona makes him a YouTube influencer right off the bat. But what’s truly influential is Jack’s attitude towards his Tourette syndrome. Being honest and open sets an example the audience that you shouldn’t let anyone or anything stop you.
  3. NikkieTutorials – She is the makeup artist of makeup artists, I’ve never seen anyone conceal and bake so well in my life! Her engaging and down to Earth personality coupled with her effortless application of makeup in each video makes her a shining example of how real talent and hard work pays off. She is honest in her reviews about products, not afraid to tell you if she thinks a product is sh*t, and I respect her for that! If you want to get better at makeup or just enjoy her beautiful wizardry subscribe to her page!
  4. Liza Koshy – Describing her as animated would be an understatement. Let’s just say if we were playing charades I would definitely want to be in her team. For any of you budding comedians out there she is definitely one to watch, A double threat with her witty comebacks and over the top facial expressions, she’ll have you in stitches in minutes. Take note!
  5. Vice – Ok, this is a bit of a cop out answer, but I feel like VICE is a good go to if you’re from a range of creative backgrounds in need of a little inspiration. Like, take the following video for example. If you want to be the next Armani, this is your answer, no?!

These are my top 5 channels to help any young creative. Sorry I’m a bit bias, I see the general theme in the above but hopefully some of it helps? SORRY!!

**Please note this article is intended solely for ERIC Mag, and I will link to the article on their site if/when it becomes live.

 

Poem: Rorrim

Writing

 

I control you.

From the cradle to the grave, I will own you.

You can smell me, hold me, taste me,

lose me.

Yet you cannot refrain from the goal to retain me.

You lie to everyone about me,

conduct deceitful acts to earn me,

learn for me, learn from me,

either way, like it or not, you yearn for me.

I am inanimate.

Yet cause you such animation.

Cause corruption and celebration.

You collapse and I spare you.

If luck promises this truth,

I provide the means needed to feed you.

And ask not to whom may this be repayable to?

Yet you still are oblivious to my deeds.

 

You gaze upon me in awe,

via those rose-tinted glasses.

Can you not feel the thorns?

I mesmerize you with every move,

captivate you all too soon.

But you abuse my power.

You twist it.

To capitalize on your venture,

to indoctrinate your peers,

have them rely on fear,

that they will lose me.

I will only go

when a lack of esteem starts to show.

 

Time cannot keep me from you.

You cannot keep me from you.

You are afraid that I may leave your side.

And when I do, you may run and hide.

But do not do so forever.

For to give up on me,

is a battle already lost,

and I will disappear as if merely a ghost.

But stay faithful to me,

and just wait and see.

As things aren’t always what they seem to be.

When I find you, do not be alarmed.

For I am unarmed, unharmed, I am charmed.

 

For it will be pleasant,

to be in the presence of such elegance.

I can blossom or dismantle you,

the choice is my command.

But you may be unlike any other man?

Who had tried to deceit, inflict and conflict me.

          But when all is done, the power will come back to me,

to ordain how your life is planned.

Do you not know who I am?

The aim of the poem is to maintain the reader’s curiosity, and keep them guessing as to what the abject/ topic of the poem is based upon. The poem begins by making the audience assume that the poem is describing money/wealth, the poem then transcends into depicting beauty and the ideas and pressures of beauty pushed by the media, before entering the combined domain of health and aging.

The overall concept and ending finalized question of the piece “Do you not know who I am?” leaves the reader wondering and desiring to know what the root of the poem is hinting at.

The answer is that the poem is a reflection of you. Whatever topic the reader / you associated most greatly with, will be what you then think is the final answer as to what the poem is based on.

The title of the poem – ‘Rorrim’ is actually the word mirror reflected, to subtly hint that the poem is in fact a reflection of each of our own individual unique desires and fears: money, beauty, aging and death.