Tag: funny
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Amazon’s Worst Christmas Gifts Ever
Well, there we have it, Christmas is over for yet another year. No one wanted the tangerine in the stocking, but I think we’d take it over these gift mis-haps, don’t you? 1. A Box Of ‘Nothing’ Quite literally a box of absolutely nothing. Why why why would you buy this? Customer Review 4.1 out…
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She Threatened To Smash My Face In
Who walks into a shop to buy some Christmas baubles for their tree and instead has ‘you’re a f*cking b*tch’ screamed into their face as ‘Jingle Bell’s’ plays in the distant background? Only yours truly ofcourse! Nothing reminds me more of the season of giving than being on the receiving end of the odd curse…
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What’s Your Biggest Pet Peeve(s)?
This thought infiltrated my mind with the waft of a ‘ploughman’s lunch’ on the train during my early morning commute to work today. For anyone unfamiliar with this term ‘ploughman’s lunch’, you’ve lived a very sheltered childhood, a very lucky childhood. It’s basically a cheese (sewage) and pickle sandwich, and the scent and sight of…
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P*ss Off Christmas!
No sooner has the Grim Reaper even had a chance to pull out his scythe from under his cloak for the Halloween happenings than has every man and his dog cracked open the bottle of eggnog whilst covering outdated Christmas carols in the key of ‘sounds like I’m being choked out in a headlock’. Christmas…
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The Spooky Special
Happy Halloween! I hope you’re having a spooktacular time! Check out my radio show spooky special here: If you dare!
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Rejection – Don’t Fear It (Too Much)
“Rejection” A word soaked in stigma, in negative connotations, but do we have to be so damning to a term which in some respects, paradoxically takes ownership for so many of our successes? It’s a stinging word, bringing with it an overcast of self-doubt and worthlessness. As Steve Harvey said – “success is…
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Question Time
Although some may argue that my elevator doesn’t quite reach the top floor, I do have my sporadic occasional moments of wishful thinking I’ll have you know. And in those moments of synaptic wildfire, curiosities and peculiarities roam the plains of my mind like migrating wildlife of the African Savannah. Just some of the questions…
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Animal Instincts
If you could choose to be any animal in the world, which would you choose to be? This thought sprung to mind as I watched my sister’s cat lick her wounds in a state of a pure delusion. The 5 year old tabby was shell shocked moments after being bitten in the spine by…
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And So It BEGINS
They say as one door abruptly closes another is but slightly ajar, waiting for you to unwelcomingly force your way through it. Atleast this is how it feels when it comes to the jobhunt for me. Coined the ‘portfolio generation’, I ask myself, is there really anything wrong with having more jobs than…
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When Will This Nightmare End?!
I feel like the whole world and its dog has chewed me up, sh*t me out and then sh*t on me that little bit more this last month. Yes, I don’t just want you to cue the violins, I want you to cue the whole damn orchestra. I think we all have times in…
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Week 1 – The Menu of A Moron
So if you’ve been anticipating this update based on the post I made a few days ago, let’s just take a moment to celebrate that week 1 is almost up, on a scale of 1 – 10 (full to the gills) – (about to turn cannibal) my hunger level is a solid 9.987. If you’ve ever…
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I Hate Public Transport With A Passion
If you’ve happened to be following my journey on the misery train so far, you’ll know that my belief firmly holds – trying to live in London for two weeks on £30 will make climbing Mt. Everest look like a walk in the park in comparison. My hands are already physically shaking as I…
The Neon Squid 