I think back to how my mother must have felt 24 years ago, spread eagle, screaming ‘get this baby out of me’! The exorcism had nothing on my delivery I’m sure. Yet despite being the best possible gift my parent’s could have ever received on the Eve of Christmas, the passing of time certainly helps them forget this.
Nowadays, I’m lucky if I even get a card never mind a present, any I do get are always sent to me second class anyway. Christmas hasn’t always been that bad in all fairness. Sometimes I’d get to sit on Santa’s knee in the local Mall that little bit longer, which come to think of it, I may not have been that ‘lucky’ afterall.
Don’t get me wrong their are some positives to being born during the most festive time of the year, like getting double the presents from friends at school (not from my parents, they always did the dirty deal of 1 present does both days), getting to open presents one day earlier than my siblings, and…….I forgot to mention – getting presents! Whoever said quality over quantity must’ve had a rough childhood, or atleast a rough Christmas as a child. Yes, I was a needy child, there was a time where if I thought my sister got one extra gift than I did I would tear down the Christmas tree, put stones in the snowballs I threw at her and poke her in the eye during the annual Christmas family photo. I did not play!
But oh how times have changed, and with age has my materialistic heart well and truly mellowed, list of gifts now only amount to 5 pages and not the usual ten, many items of which are on sale now if you hurry. It’s true, Christmas is not only about the joy of giving but the pure ecstasy felt when receiving those brand new bright blue suede shoes!
What gift are you most ecstatic about this year? Please tell me your birthday isn’t on Christmas Eve too?!
Have a very Merry Christmas – from one materialistic Muppet to another!
What’s going on here? Bunch of Scrooges.
Which way is up?
Christmas or taxidermy?
Yaaassss, picture + frame combo.
I’m not going in. You can’t make me.
Someone has too much time on their hands, obviously.
Haha love this.
Does your workplace match any of these above?
Gone are the days when finger painting and daytime naps were as common as the cold. Instead , replaced by finger tapping and continuous bouts of the common cold! If only we knew as tiny humans, the pure agony that lay before us in the adult world. Let me list just a few for you:
- Bills Bills Bills
Anyone who gets giddy at the sight of a £10 decrease in their electricity bill because they forced themselves to have ‘luke warm’ instead ‘hot’ showers all Summer knows full well that they have reached adulthood. Having to pay your rent, water, electricity, mobile and Wi-Fi bills every month means giving up a tiny piece of your soul with every transaction. A tough trade off but then again who really can live without Wi-Fi?
- The Rat Race
Remember at school when you felt a long day was waking up at 10am and finishing at lunchtime? Didn’t your heart just sink to your stomach the first time you experienced the dreaded moonbeam illuminating your face through the office window? Yes, that’s right ‘the dayjob is just so I can get enough money to really enjoy myself with the little time I have to myself’. Just keep telling yourself this.
- The Cardigan
You were going so well up to this point. You kept on top of the latest fashion trends, you even set a few of your own but then the adult moment hit you like a lightning bolt and since then you’ve resorted to the tatty woolly throw over which would pass as your dead grandmother’s favourite shawl if worn in just the right light. The point being you now dress like an old crow since the first sign of crow’s feet set in. Word of advice, if you want to stay fashionable then get some damn wrinkle cream because heaven forbid the granny cable knit cardigan moment strikes you when you’re vulnerable!
- Topics Of Conversation
You now find yourself conversing on why you prefer courgette over mushroom in your spaghetti Bolognese, where instead in the midst of your youth, you’d be out getting laid. It also now feels weird to use or hear other ‘adults’ use slang words such as ‘dope’ and ‘amazeballs’ (who uses this last one anyway?).
I guess there is one thing to look forward to when you reach adulthood. Retirement.