Isle of Wight Festival – The Journey

Writing

Getting up at 6 am may be easy for some, but for us mere mortals it’s somewhat of a challenge. Either way, I had to drag myself onto the train to meet my old university mates who were also making the jaunt to the island.

 

Fast forward, skipping a rather boring car journey (of the motorway ofcourse, not the people hehe), and I’m standing on the deck of a modest sized ferry on the brink of contracting a serious bout of pneumonia. For what felt like gail force winds pierced into the very marrow of my bones like tribal spears. Perhaps wearing a jacket would’ve prevented this, but it’s June so even if it’s not warm, I’m still pretending like it is. I refused to go inside the ferry, who wants to watch geriatrics play dominoes to pass the time? Anyhow, after an hour of beautiful coastal views in tornado like conditions we docked the Isle of Wight.

 

I was foolishly expecting to hear the deafening sounds of electric guitars and lung collapsing vibrations of the heaviest of bass beats as my toes touched the terrain, yet instead I was met with the sounds of peace and tranquility which in other means…..not very much. Accompanying this was the blurted out fact that the island despite its tiny population has 3 prisons on it’s land. Getting off to a good start I sarcastically thought to myself. As future me wishes past me knew – the real  fun that was soon to come……..
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How To (Not) Celebrate New Year’s Eve

Writing

Not to sound like the village idiot or anything but am I the only one who doesn’t get all giddy inside at the thought of celebrating on New Year’s Eve?

 Sure celebrating the fact that I’m here to see yet another year through is grantable but is the off key singing of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ into my face by the word-slurring stranger at the local bar really warranted? Not to sound like a party pooper but I’m sure you’ll forgive me for giving the folly a miss in replacement for the priorities below:

  1. Washing My Hair

At the top of every hermit’s list no doubt, the moments between you and your hair are precious and need no disruption from partygoers. As the clock strikes 12am, you need only 1 thing – a deep conditioning treatment for 15 minutes exactly, no more and definitely no less #birdsnest.

  1. Counting The Coins In The Piggy Bank

 

January is bills month for most of us unfortunates, so taking a hammer to Mr. Porky couldn’t come at a better time wouldn’t you agree? With a grand total of £3.25 that’ll be more than enough to pay off the mortgage.

  1. Playing A Friendly Game Of Solitaire

No better way to welcome in the New Year than whooping Mr. Chang’s ass in a quiet game of solitaire, minesweep and let’s not forget pinball.  Mr. Chang is currently serving time in prison for accidentally falling on and consequently crushing his dearly beloved wife and their pet dog Tofu. He’s a great guy.

  1. Binge watching ‘How It’s Made’

If you’ve never heard of this show, then you must live in more of a metaphorical bubble than I do. Have you never wanted to know how cactus pear puree or racing pulley systems are made? Shame on you! Join me tonight in watching my favourite one –‘ How It’s Made –  pre-packaged sandwiches, traffic signal poles and Teflon pans’.

  1. Try Out The New Pickle Popsicle Recipe

Sure to tickle your pickle with this salty treat, briny gherkins are bad as they are in their natural form, and probably worse when frozen, so perhaps I should put this theory to the test on this final day of 2018.

While you’re cackling with the crowd of drunken and doped, I’ll be the one having the last laugh!!! (Or not)

Kidding, I love celebrating the night with none of the above I must emphasise!! Hope you have a great New year’s Eve too!

Happy New Year!