Are You Poorer Than Me?

Writing

I’m so sick of being poor. Yes I may have a roof over my head and food in my fridge but when you can’t decorate your rooms or make meals beyond tins of soup and sweetcorn then what’s the point? I might aswell be living in The Amazon, atleast then I’ll avoid the council tax and eyewateringly long queues at the supermarket checkout. 

 

Yes I may be whinging about a first world problem but I believe this is a key reason for my upheaval in the first place. If I did infact live in a tribe in a forest then I wouldn’t know what I’m missing necessarily. How can I miss the sight of some dope dealer sporting the latest balenciaga’s, or the gluttonous geezer buying the ‘extra special’ range in Sainsbury’s when I wouldn’t have the foggiest what either two of these concepts were? You can’t miss what you’ve never witnessed I guess. I would be comfortable and content with my relationships and my tribal lifestyle. 

 

Perhaps that’s just it, in the society I live in, less emphasis is placed on the value of social relationships, instead these are sidelined for the stars of this farcical pantomime I call life – materialism and capitalism. The terrible twins. They are the children you grimace at and purposely attempt to swap at birth, only to find them crawling and clambering their way into your back pocket as you exit the hospital. 

 

My experience living in London has made me reevaluate my perspectives on numerous things, none moreso that the value I myself place on money. Putting it short and sweetly, I now understand why some people may force themselves to do things others may deem shameful. For example, we can all hold our heads high, point our noses in the air, as we scoff at the single mum shaking what God (or her surgeon)  gave her in a strip club. But you put yourself in her 6 inch stilettos for merely a second and maybe then you would begin to empathise and understand that she may have a young mouth to feed on her own. Why? Because the dad walked out as soon as he found out she was pregnant. And let’s face it city ‘living wages’ need to be rephrased as city ‘suffocating wages’. Unless you are in the finance sector or as old as time itself then I’m afraid for the rest of us, youth and inexperience comes as a pretty big financial burden. 

 

I ask myself – why did I move to this city? A question which is becoming worryingly frequent. I’m from a small town in the middle of Northern Ireland, the rent I pay in London could have me living in two places twice the size back in a rural setting, so why am I here? 

 

The old line of ‘there’s loads more opportunities’ is becoming undone, fraying and feeling further from reality. Yes, there may technically be more ‘opportunities’ but let’s face it, no one’s going to throw me a wad of £50’s to take up the opportunity to soak up a West End show, or meetings with top CEOs. Unless ofcourse I turn to sugarbabying, which is a completely different can of worms I wish not open in this moment. 

 

Today, I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who wards away threatening voices in their mind’s eye, tempting them to smash open their piggy bank into a million little pieces, only to find not much more than a hundred little pennies in the remnants of Mr piggy’s once round stomach. Financial hardship makes itself known to all of us at some stage in our lives, I have no doubt, but I say it has outstayed its welcome. So my question now is, how do I kick them out?

Rid them from my minimalist overpriced matchbox flat, where the walls lay bare out of fear that I may maim it’s clinical appearance with so much as a smudge of a marker, or stain from a sticker. Landlords in cities like London make Sherlock Holmes look like a babbling unobservant buffoon when it comes to hunting down the most miniscule of marks on a tenants leaving day, wouldn’t you agree?

 

And with this thought lingering I wonder whether I should indeed make myself scarce of it’s confinements, escaping the financial restrictions once and for all and bid this city goodbye. 

I Thought I Was Going Blind

Writing

Sitting at my desk in the office yesterday morning, everything was just peachy (or so I thought). Despite my eyelids occasionally closing over due to boredom, for the rare moments I decided to forcefully will them open, I could see as clear as day.

 

But for some reason or other I decided to wink at my morning array of spreadsheets and in doing so came to the stark realisation that my vision in my left eye was completely blurry.

 

 My vision through my right eye only was fine, through both eyes combined  it was fine, yet when solely using my left eye to look at the screen I was met with a blurred mess. It was as if someone had just poked my cornea with a vaseline blobbed finger and then proceeded to hold my head over a spoiled scrabble board. 

 

Feeling like I was about to give the game up on my sight I started panicking. Quietly. With the blurriness becoming progressively stronger I speedily sent my manager an email emphasising that my vision was weakening and that I needed to go to the opticians straight away. So sprinting into the store in an unshakeable panic I begged for an immediate eye test. My fear was less about my actual eye health to be honest and more about the condition of my brain. The earliest eye test to my dismay was to be a one hour wait. 

 

Advised to head to A&E if it got worse, I  instead chose to wait it out. Waiting out the time felt like a lifetime. Back to the opticians an hour later and I’m getting air shot into my eye and asked if I could read outloud a love letter that had been etched onto the back of a postage stamp. 

 

What were the results? 

 

Following an array of tests, I was put out of my misery as the optometrist declared that my eyes and corresponding vessels were all healthy. 

 

So what was causing the blurriness? And why was it only in one eye? 

 

The glasses. 😦

 

The bloody things which were meant to better my eyesight ironically played a crucial part in its deterioration. 

 

It’s because of the following explanation that I urge you to ensure that you get your eyes tested frequently and make sure your prescription is the most accurate  and updated one tailored for your sight. 

 

It starts with the fact that no two eyes are ever going to be the same strength, and for me my right eye is stronger than my left. So in theory I would need different lens strengths in my glasses, with each lens being specifically made for each eye. What happened in this situation was that this was not the case. Instead, the lens magnification which best suited my stronger right eye was placed into both the left and right eye section of the glasses. As a result my left eye was being put under constant strain every time I wore my glasses, to the point where the muscles were overworking so much it resulted in what felt like a remaining partial blindness in the left eye. 

 

Examples to describe giving the wrong glasses may be along the lines of:

 

-Giving chocolate to a dog. It poisons them. 

-Pouring salt on a slug. It does them no favours

-Giving someone a chocolate teapot. It’s useless. 

 

The bottom line is the glasses were not helping my eyes, they were hindering them, hence not fulfilling their purpose!

 

So Now I’m met with the choice of either not wearing glasses at all while I’m doing computer work or paying between £39 – £69 per pair (I have two pairs with these incorrectly fitted lenses). Do you think they should pay for the lens change? Or should I?

 

**This frightful momentary state of panic made me appreciate how complex we are as humans. It made me realise how important it is to look after yourself. We are human beings, made up of such complex biology. It’s astonishing how every cell in our bodies serves a purpose. And how easy it is for part of this harmony to be abruptly thrown out of sync.

 

Take care of yourself!

Poem: Rejection

Writing

Rejection

Rejection is like an unwelcome face.

All too familiar, you close the door on it.

Should rejection be ignored or embraced?

It depends on what way you look at it.

 

Rejection from a lover

The heat of their body touching yours is fading.

Now all but a distant memory.

The taste of their mouth on yours – erasing.

You yearn for the return of this reality.

.

Failure

Will it make you stronger or weaker?

Do you see it as a knock on the esteem?

Is it a chance to become better?

Or do you say farewell to your dreams?

 

Rejecting yourself

Just as you can have too much of a good thing.

You can have too much of a bad.

If rejection comes round to often?

Understandably – where do you stand?

 

Poem – Money

Writing

Money,

It slips through my fingers,

Like slithers of bottle-green seaweed submitting to gravity.

 

I chase it every day,

But yet I still feel drowned at its mercy.

I am submerged.

Will anyone take mercy?

 

Celebrities live a life of luxury,

Yet still, some show signs of misery.

If more money is all of our end goals,

Then how can we avoid this unpleasant possibility?

 

It’s a lie to say that money isn’t necessary,

It’s a lie to say we don’t want it.

Are we all doomed to live this rat race intensively?

Or is a mouse trap the only way round it?

Career Switch Like These 7 Celebrities

Writing

One trick ponies aren’t present in the stables today judging by the 7 celebrities below:

Donald Trump – whether you love him or loathe him you can’t deny he’s had the career jump worthy of a pat on the back so big it partially exorcises his demonic spirit from his body (only temporarily though). Not that he was doing that badly before as a multi-millionaire businessman but obviously the title of President of the United States has a better ring to it.

Drake – Who would’ve thought this cute Canadian teen who made squeaky clean TV would become one of the biggest music artists of the charts. Too sweet to be a hardcore gang banger, yet can still crack out multiple expletives with such finesse. Drizzy Drake take a bow.

Martha Stewart – Stewart hasn’t had a bad run of career options in her life, modelling for fashion houses such as Chanel in her early 20’s and as one would naturally do, she jumped right into the world stock brokerage aged 25 at some little known named location – Wall Street. And because making lots of money from money can become lack lustre, Martha re-invented how we watch TV by offering a smorgasbord of her television personalities in various shapeshifting forms ranging from food to gardening.

Christopher Walkin – Lion tamer turned Hollywood actor. Not bad for the resume. Describing one lion affectionately named Sheba as ‘very sweet, like a dog.’ What kind of dogs has he been around? Inbetween his circus life, Walkin trained as a dancer before moving on to Broadway and film.

Ellen DeGeneres – Having experienced a range of roles before stand up comedy took her to stardom, including waitressing at TGI Fridays, paralegal clerical duties and oyster shucking. It’s therefore safe to say she’s done it all (except make me laugh(kidding))!

Pope Francis – Bouncer turned preacher. Any shape throwing sinners would have surely felt his wrath on the backdoor’s of the bouncing Buenos Aires clubs in his early days.

Whoopi Goldberg – Funeral makeup artist. How can you go from powder puffer on the face of a corpse to singing nun in Sister Act? The Pope needs to have words with you Whoopi! (Whoopi’s getting an ass whoopin’ (sorry bit far)) Did I mentioned she was also a garbage collector before turning to stand – up comedy and acting? Her transition into the world of entertainment has definitely been an interesting one.

5 Short Courses That Could Save You Money.

Writing

Money can be tight sometimes, but before you get the hammer out to smash open Mr. piggy bank, let’s take a look at some courses which may cost you a bob or two today but may save you a fortune down the line:

1) Embroidery courses – so maybe you don’t fancy yourself holding a pair of knitting needles anytime soon, but do you think that button missing mid-way down your shirt is going to sew itself? Learning to mend clothing and other materials (a tear in the tablecloth, the stitching in your child’s teddy bear) may save you on forking up on another shirt for the sake of a few buttons or teddy to pacify the fidgeting toddler. Example 1, Example 2.

2) Bike Repair – Is the fear of encountering a tyre puncture or a broken gear while en route putting you off  cycling to and from work? If so, then fear no more, think of the amount of money you could save on the commute, why not throw yourself into a repair workshop where I’m sure you’ll pick up a range of tricks and tips for fixing bicycles issues. Or maybe even use the hints to fix your children’s as you teach them how to ride a bike for the first time. The bike will definitely need some TLC as you accidentally push you kid so hard that they crash into a tree. Yes, my dad did that to me! Example 1.

3) Cooking Classes – Perhaps you never paid attention to grandma’s recipes growing up and now you’re paying the price, quite literally,  as you often buy lunch out from fear of poisoning yourself from your lack of culinary know-how. If you want to learn how to make a decent pack lunch for yourself, how to balance meals, how to budget plan for meals or how to maybe even COOK meals then a cookery class may not be completely out of the question? Example 1, Example 2, Example 3.

4) D.I.Y. Workshops – Not much of a handyman? Not to worry, soon you’ll be sprucing up the kitchen with a lick of paint and re-aligning that dodgy picture your uncle gave you as a Christmas present in the front hall. Think of the amount of money you could save in all seriousness just by picking up a few small hints. Example 1, Example 2.

5)  Finance Classes – Not as intimidating as it sounds, perhaps the root of all of our financial problems isn’t that we don’t have substantial funds but maybe because we just aren’t handling our money correctly? Budgeting tips, what future planning and saving schemes are out there? Checking if you’re eligible for certain bursaries or whether you’re even registered in the correct brackets for certain financial circumstances may be incredibly useful in the long-run. Example 1, Example 2.

 

I hope these 5 were helpful, yes, it could be argued that all of the above can be resolved by a bit of YouTubing but where’s the fun in that? You don’t get to meet people while learning a cross stitch and you certainly don’t get the reward factor of helping someone peel a carrot or vice versa!. So give it a go!

Earn That Wonga

Writing

5 ways you can make a little extra cash online

Times are tough when the 9 to 5 just isn’t paying enough, but fear not, that extra bit of wonga will fingers crossed come flowing in with a little help from the list below:

  1. Online Tutoring

Some people will pay any price to see that their little darlings can recite the alphabet as fast backwards as they can forwards. And this is where you come in, finally that GCSE in chemistry will come in handy as you set up Skype to teach a 12 year old what a Bunsen burner look like (or not – safety first). You can start tutoring by putting your adverts up in around your local area or online. Examples include Skooli and Tutor Hunt

  1. Sell your old sh*t

Those textbooks from uni didn’t come cheap, so atleast make some of the money back by flogging them on Ebay or Amazon. Why not sell other belongings, perhaps furniture you had at uni but have now trailed back to the parents e.g. lamps, side tables, desks. Everything but the kitchen sink basically!

  1. E-book Narrator

If you fancy serenading the world to sleep with your dulcet tones, why not read them their bedtime story through  E-books. Check out Audible for example for more detail into this money-making opportunity.

  1. Online Surveys

They may be boring to fill out at times but less so when it comes with a price. Sometimes rewarded in money and other times vouchers, there’s a chance that you won’t go empty handed when companies need your vital opinion. Sites include I-say and Populuslive.

  1. Ad-Marketing

If your social media is gaining quite the following, companies may sponsor you to advertise a specific product or service of theirs. Unlike the other options above, this money making method may take time but it’s not impossible to get a really high -paying sponsorship which may even mean you could leave that 9 to 5 (fingers crossed)!

We all know money doesn’t grow on trees, yet I do hope that these 5 tips of mine helps your bank account grow nonetheless. Happy money making!

 

**Please note this article is intended solely for ERIC Mag, and I will link to the article on their site if/when it becomes live.