Table for one, please. 😦
So Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and once again for yet another year I have that dreaded sinking feeling in my cold-hearted chest. That’s right, I’m single, which automatically means I resign to a life of embitterment and resentment. Even the slightest ‘peck on the cheek’ of the lovey dove duo on the street corner sends me into a downspiral, a one minute ad about flowers and chocolates drags me into a tailspin, and don’t even get me started on the ‘when are you going to meet a guy’ spiel from the parents, that muck in itself makes me want to jump off the roof of a bungalow (only to be rescued by the muscular (yet not too muscular) toned arms of Prince Charming himself (with a hint of bad boy energy of course)).
What I’m saying is all in jest (with a smidge of sad sad truth interwoven), I suppose it’s my…..coping mechanism. I’m aware of the very valid point that ‘you can still celebrate Valentine’s Day for yourself’, yes thank you, but can’t a girl sob for a bit? I want to feel sorry for myself for a wee while. I want to complain and say that life’s not fair sometimes. It’s like….trapped gas, better out than in. So I want to share my feelings of self-pity with you right now and not a second later! OK!
In other news, I do in fact have plans on the 14th of Feb, and it’s a call to the desperate Daniella within me and not the Debbie downer. I’m going to drumroll……..a speed dating event! I feel myself cringing as I write this right now but perhaps ‘the one’ is going to rizz me up over a strawberry daiquiri and some forced conversation? The skeptic within me tells me that there’s something off about speed dating events, a bit judgmental of me, yes, considering I’ve never been to a single one. But let’s be honest, ‘romantic’ isn’t exactly the first word which springs to mind with these things, we both know why we’re there and we have literally spent our grocery money to talk about the weather and pets. Honestly if I don’t find the love of my life on Val day, if cupid doesn’t strike me with an arrow straight on the forehead I’m resorting to life as a spinster who has a Sugar Daddy every other Wednesday to keep the council from evicting me from my very modest shoebox of a home.
Or maybe I’ll get a new gust of energy just as the crows feet start to deepen and jump on a television dating show? What’s the worst that could happen? Only national humiliation and being assigned to a life as the ‘meme girl’ from ‘First Dates’, no big deal.
Oh the speed dating thingy will be a laugh anyhow, and as they say ref. the lottery ‘you have to be in it to win it’, so why shouldn’t I take a gamble on love, isn’t that what everyone does?
On my daily walk today I was pondering over what questions to ask the ‘potential Mr. Right’, (I’m such a loser haha), because sometimes when I’m nervous my mind goes blank. I think I’m just an awkward person in general. When I look people in the eye for too long I get a twinge in my chest, and not the good kind. So maybe I’ll need to recite these inwardly tactical yet outwardly seemingly casual questions to myself in the mirror, and down a tube of ‘Rescue Remedy‘ which I swear is a placebo, but anyway, I’m happy to try anything which has the potential to stop me from sweating profusely and choking up if someone dare asks me what my favourite colour is. On my search to become calmer during absolutely any mildly, moderately or severely awkward social interaction, I’d come across about this technique called ‘Progressive Muscle Relaxation‘ it’s basically where you take it in turn to clench various muscle groups in your body for a few seconds then immediately relax them e.g. in your legs, arms etc It all seems quite reassuring, in theory at least. Though could you imagine, he asks me where I’m from meanwhile I’m sat across the table grinding my jaw looking like I’m high on something. ‘Oh don’t mind me, I’m just trying to curb my social anxiety which is destroying my life, what you were saying again?’ Whether I try this technique or not, no doubt there will be one muscle clenched the whole time out of sheer nervousness, but I don’t need to divulge which one that’ll be, I’m sure.
Oh wish me luck, I’m about to go powder my nose and practice my ‘sultry stare’ in the mirror, I’ll let you know how the speed dating event goes, if I have the courage not to back out of it last minute that is!!!
*(Maybe) Insert a photo here of me all dolled up ready to meet whoever creeps out of the woodwork. 🙂 xx
The Neon Squid 
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